Admit it, we’ve all had to wing it in exams at some stage of our youth, whether it’s making up a book report on the spot or just plain guessing at a load of science questions.
That tends to lead to to two things. Firstly, you get an awful lot of things wrong; secondly, your teacher gets to store up a whole swathe of ridiculous answers collated throughout their career. Damn science tests.
This such instance came up recently for a journalist for the Herald Extra in Utah, who was on holidays with his wife, a teacher.
Upon encountering a teacher from Canada, they began discussing their careers and the differences between curriculums, schools and the likes.
But eventually, as always, the conversation was drawn towards humour, idiocy and anecdotes, with the teacher from Canada regaling Steve Densley and his wife with some of the more bizarre answers to what looks like a fairly low-age, rudimentary level of science.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised?
A: The body is consisted into three parts, the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does the term “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section.”
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “Benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Gigglebit is Siliconrepublic’s daily dose of the funny and fantastic in science and tech, to help start your day on a lighter note – because sometimes the lighter side of STEM should be taken seriously, too.
Genius child image, via Shutterstock