Is it OK for people to just not be OK sometimes, or do the experts think we always need to put on our happy faces when we are at work?
According to emotional intelligence expert and the CEO of Six Seconds, a non-profit EQ resource, Joshua Freedman defines toxic positivity as “diminishing or minimising someone’s difficulties in the guise of encouraging them.”
It’s safe to say, we have all had that moment in the workplace where the ‘hang in there’ cat poster or the unsolicited pep talk from a coworker did not have the intended effect.
Be it a personal or work issue, on occasion we don’t have the mindset to get through our working hours with the usual positivity. If your mood is lower than normal, the last thing you need is the added attention or chorus of saccharine ‘you can do its’.
For Freedman, this need to eliminate negative thoughts and feelings for the sake of a happy workforce is toxic positivity in full flow.
“Imagine you are talking to person A who says, ‘I am having a crap day.’ Person B responds with, ‘you are doing great, just keep going.’ This is a great example of a toxic reply,” Freedman explains, “because they immediately send a message that difficult feelings are unwelcome and people need to pretend to be positive to fit in.”
Don’t be a cliché
The world is full of mantras designed to refocus your thoughts. Phrases such as ‘fake it till you make it’ and ‘step up to the plate’ only solidify the idea that you aren’t good enough yet and you aren’t trying hard enough for the sake of the team.
“In a company, toxic positivity leads to less trust and psychological safety. Less honesty. Less communication,” Freedman said.
“It also creates more burnout. More absenteeism. More turnover. Sadly, research from [a recent survey, conducted by Six Seconds] shows 65pc of sectors are facing higher burnout compared to four years ago and wellbeing has dropped by over 5pc.”
“That suggests the need for a different approach to create better emotional conditions at work, which will also improve performance.”
Over the last number of years we have witnessed a rise in the demand for soft as well as hard skills. But when it comes to improved training in the area of emotional intelligence in the workplace, employers are often ill-equipped to tackle a growing sense of toxic positivity for fear of highlighting ‘weaknesses’.
“Many of my senior-leader clients tell me they don’t feel prepared to handle the emotional complexities their people are facing today,” said Freedman.
“When emotional complexity is high, it’s harder to manage, so people revert to oversimplification or avoidance of the complexity. Secondly, social media is rife with oversimplified, ‘just keep going’ messages and so we’ve become used to the notion that ‘being positive’ means negating or ignoring challenges.”
Freedman also noted the deeply rooted biases that exist in American and European cultures. In these “cultures, expressions of emotional challenges are a weakness,” he said.
“Consider the ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality of imperial Britain, or the John Wayne archetypal hero where strength is equated with stoicism. Perhaps that was useful at some point in our history. Now it engenders superficial communication that undermines trust and reduces effectiveness.”
My job or yours?
That’s not to say that employees need to unburden their soul at their desks, allowing every thought and feeling to invade their professional life. For Freedman the solution is simple, companies need to “normalise more authentic communication”.
He cites case studies such as FedEx, Komatsu and even the US Navy, as having successfully applied emotional intelligence skills for improved performance and interpersonal relationships.
Who then is responsible for building the framework that supports an actually positive working environment devoid of hidden tensions and criticisms? For Freedman, this is a “shared responsibility”.
On the business side of things, an employer’s failure to invest in a positive work culture or build up a collaborative workforce is comparable to just “throwing money out the window”.
These days companies work very hard to toe the line and ensure that communication and conflict resolution meets an acceptable standard, but, as Freedman puts it, “the term ‘professional’ is often used to mean ‘what is comfortable for the most privileged group’”.
“If, instead of comfort, we put trust as the central benchmark, we would quickly find ourselves having a much more meaningful kind of conversation at work.
“We can be professional without being fake.”
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