I’ve been making a pig of myself on the porcine punchlines ribbing David Cameron, and now I’m going the whole hog to bring them to you.
Twitter has been rolling in it since Sunday night – happy as a pig in mud – as users roasted UK Prime Minister David Cameron on the back of claims he engaged in a bizarre initiation rite with a pig’s head back in his college days.
Mark the 21st September down as the new Twitter Christmas, someone ???
— Helen (@givesyouHel) September 21, 2015
Lord Ashcroft’s unauthorised biography of Cameron has been serialised in the Daily Mail, and Monday’s paper includes some hamning allegations.
Twitter last night pic.twitter.com/kEmWgq7xZN
— joharvesters (@joharvesters) September 21, 2015
The book, Call Me Dave, alleges that Cameron was a bit of a party animal at Oxford University and a member of a secret club called the Piers Gaveston Society, which was known to go a bit hog-wild at parties. (Without knowing the particulars, I bet they left places looking like a pigsty.)
In media terms, I guess this is what you'd call a sow news day? #piggate
— Paul Wooding (@pazman1973) September 21, 2015
I wonder who squealed.
— Zan Phee (@zanPHEE) September 20, 2015
But it was the pig tales that left me (pork) scratchings my head. What kind of piggy in the middle game were they playing? Did Cameron swine and dine this Babe? Or is this what goes down when you get an invite to come over for ‘Netflix and swill’?
NETFLIX AND SWILL
— Dylan H Morris. (@dylanhm) September 20, 2015
"I got you, Babe" pic.twitter.com/AOvJxdcKJ8
— corporate cow (@shoutsatcows) September 20, 2015
I suppose we’ve all been a guinea pig for experimental experiences in our feckless youth.
Ok so @David_Cameron once was 'romantically linked to a bit of a party animal' big deal
— Peter Serafinowicz (@serafinowicz) September 21, 2015
The curl in the tale came when similarities were drawn with a plotline in TV series Black Mirror, though I bet when Charlie Brooker penned that one he thought it would only play out in real life when pigs fly.
I'd bet there's more to #piggate than we know so far. They're only scratching the surface. Still, it's a crackling story.
— Paul Bernal (@PaulbernalUK) September 21, 2015
Now let’s not go and buy a pig in a poke here as the unnamed source of these allegations may well be telling porkies. It could all turn out to be snout but a prank and we’ll be sorry we ever swallowed this tripe.
"So I ask the Prime Minister, are the allegations true?" "No." "So the media is… telling porkies?" *Corbyn high-fives entire front bench*
— The_No_Show (@The_No_Show) September 20, 2015
A statement from No 10 Downing Street has flatly refused to dignify these rumours with a response, and without some solid proof this is surely a mere truffle to Cameron. A fly in the oinkment of his UK leadership.
I suppose people will be trotting out references to #piggate for the rest of Cameron's career now!
— Red North (@RednorthUK) September 21, 2015
Still, though, even if this is the trotting out of a ham-fisted attempt to discredit a world leader, that hasn’t stopped this little piggy from pigging out on crackling good puns – some of which left me squealing like a stuck pig with laughter.
Tell me when the hams stop screaming, Clarice
— Seán (@glittercrisis) September 20, 2015
On Twitter, the jokes were coming fast enough to make your head spin like a pig on a spit. There was no time lost in setting up parody accounts to take the pigs, and Wikipedia had to take measures to stop things from going pork belly up.
He was a total boar on our date.
— Cameron's Dead Pig (@CameronsFavePig) September 20, 2015
They've put the wiki article on pigs to "semi protected status" by the way.
— Ian Wright (@ihwright) September 21, 2015
I won’t boar you to tears solely piggybacking on Twitter comments – that’s been done (and, as the saying goes, you can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear). But I have snuffled out some of the best prime cuts or you to suckle on.
A threat to our national charcuterie. #PigGate
— Adam (@ThereWillBeGin) September 21, 2015
Disappointing amount of hamophobia on Twitter this morning. #piggate
— Guy Pedliham (@guypeds) September 21, 2015
My one criticism of this punning celebration, however, is the hashtag of choice: #piggate. I really think we made a pig’s ear of this when #BaeofPigs was ready and waiting, though I appreciate those who opted for the more palatable #Hameron.
They should obviously call this scandal 'Bae of Pigs'
— Seán (@glittercrisis) September 20, 2015
I suppose I could leave you with the closing words of the great Porky Pig – but I’d rasher not.
Typical! David Cameron once again hogging the headlines at the Lib Dem Conference.
— Paddy Ashdown (@paddyashdown) September 21, 2015
There may be truffles ahead
— Halo (@EatMyHalo) September 20, 2015
Finally, I can use this feature pic.twitter.com/ocM5bbmv7O
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) September 21, 2015
Wham Cam Thank You Ham #hameron
— Declan Cashin (@Tweet_Dec) September 21, 2015
Snout Snout Let it all out These are the things I can do without Gammon I'm talking to you Gammon….. #pigsongs
— Roberto (@Robertomorley) September 21, 2015
I mean no, the Mail's not a reliable source of accurate info. We should take it with a pinch of salt. And sage. At 170C for 3hrs. #piggate
— Hannah Platts (@hplatts) September 21, 2015
— Your pal Dave (@daveshed) September 21, 2015
The Conservative Party are now a threat to your livestock, the livestock of your family and the livestock of this country. #piggate
— Kevin Crowe (@KevinSCrowe) September 21, 2015
You wanna cut down on your Porklife Dave, get some exercise. #piggate
— Max (@max_normal_) September 21, 2015
Gigglebit is Siliconrepublic.com’s daily dose of the funny and fantastic in science and tech, to help start your day on a lighter note.
Pig photo by Igor Stramyk via Shutterstock